Hey You! | Review
Belfast Comedy Festival • 30 September ’16
Dear Brad Peelawn
I attended your motivational weight-loss workshop last Friday and I thank you from the bottom of my belly fat and sagging libido for making me aware of the junk food jihadi I had become.
You’re absolutely right – what looks disgusting in the mirror does look even more disgusting in real life and no doubt thoroughly disgusts all those closest to me.
Until I am in amongst the 10s of guys whom you have helped lose weight without any difficulty whatsoever, at all, in any circumstance, I will aim to avoid contact with disgusting little carb-guzzlers (children) and avoid the dull tattoo of gesture and counter-gesture (marriage).
Can you let me know where I should send my $147 Ecuadorian dollars to receive your three fat-burning strategies exclusively for men? I think I’ll take the King-size package to receive the nutritional secrets that have eluded man since before recorded history.
I was grateful when you insisted that this weight gain around my belly was not my fault. I had been fooled into thinking that a ‘generic’ diet is actually suitable for men. This makes no sense whatsoever now, knowing that we are the keepers of Testosterone, the master male hormone and lord protector of our well-being. We should never be exposed to the same foodstuffs as oestrogen-driven women! As you predicted, my testosterone levels have taken such a battering, that I have in fact tended toward corduroy of late!
I’ll be sticking to ”delicious bloody steaks”, ”root vegetables”, ”prime German sausage” and ”brussel sprouts” from here on in!
A quick question – what’s the expected time frame for the lemon-zesty, sky-high, women-pleasing libido that will occur after your course?
Thanks again Brad, it was a treat to have you visit from Kansas (?) and maybe you can say hello to Ace Ventura for me as I think you may be related?
Belfast Bapped Aka Nersys Coleman